Teacher's Pet?

I don't like my sociology teacher much. He mumbles, "mmm right?" after every other sentence. His presentation is long-winded, and he tries to garner student participation through questions that don't even pertain to sociology. He'd ask us to give examples about where we shop to fit a scenario he would make up, which frankly means that our participation does nothing to further our understanding of sociology.

But my biggest pet peeve is when my sociology teacher watches the clock. Wait, scratch that; there's no clock in the room. My biggest pet peeve is when my sociology teacher awkwardly stares at the students' wrists for their watches when lecturing at the front of the class. I understand if you want to keep track of the time, but staring at the clock 10 minutes into a 55 minute lecture is ridiculous. After a month of this disrespect, I felt sassy.

Today I brought my alarm clock to class. I set the alarm to 1:40pm and placed it on the desk in front of me right before the professor. I think I wanted it to be seen as a bit rude. I wanted to make a point: I will disrespect the teacher by sarcastically placing the clock in front of him since he desperately wants to be out of this classroom.

I still don't understand how unfazed he was by my act of rebellion. He even thanked me for the clock and used it twice to keep track of time. WHAT THE HECK?!

Art takes courage.

Current work in progress.

I learned that today. If you don't know me, I've been drawing and taking art classes since I was about 7 when my parents saw how entertained I was with drawing on paper tablecloths at restaurants. Since then, I went to class once a week for about an hour up until my junior year in high school. I thought I would keep up with art on my own after quitting classes. However, when I stopped class, I seemed to stop art.

I knew to some extent that I loved art. I always enjoyed painting in class and seriously considered majoring in art when applying for college. But only creating when in class led me to question my supposed "passion." If I really loved art so much, wouldn't I devote my free time to it? I can't seem to make myself pick up a pencil for a quick sketch unless I am in a classroom.

I looked towards my friends with specific hobbies they loved doing. My friend who is an aspiring author seems to write day and night, and he has the short stories and the novels to prove it. Another friend of mine loves making 3D sculptures out of small magnetic balls. He makes money off of YouTube videos that show off his creations. Funny thing is, both of these friends ask me quite often, "What have you made recently? Have you done any new paintings?"

Today I've been promoting a YouTube video that my cousin entered in a scholarship contest. My cousin talks about how art is something powerful that expresses one's views without compromise. I thought about what she said, and I think I've found what my problem is.

To express one's views without compromise takes courage. When you create something and put it out there, you subject yourself to judgements and criticism. More so than outside judgements, you judge yourself. We all know that you are your worst critic. This is where I seem to go wrong.

I don't make art outside of class because I'm afraid that my art without a teacher's guidance is always just crap. I've become dependent on someone else's reassurance that the work I've done is good, and if it isn't, my critics have advice to offer so I can change and make it "good." To be honest, my recent teachers never really have anything to say to me. Everything is always good because art is subjective and my interpretation is my own. Making art on my own takes courage. And now that I've identified the problem, hopefully I can fix it.